Birth is Not Limited to the Medical Field

Birth is Not Limited to the Medical Field. Birth encompasses the spiritual and the emotional and the psychological bond with your baby.

Birth is Mental Health.

One of the hardest moments for me to see as an advocate for mental health is policy standing in the way of immediately holding your baby.

Policies to weigh and measure baby, to hook up monitors, devices, rechecking of data and numbers all the while this tender soul that just entered into the world wants nothing more than to be feeling the warmth of your body, to be feeling the beating of your heart, to be feeling the vibrations of your voice. I’m not a believer in administrative routines and policies preventing immediate contact.

And I’m not a fan.

And so while I say nothing because it’s not my space to interfere, it’s hard to witness when a wise child that has entered into this world has to wait for that connection, whether it is waiting 15 minutes or an hour, or in my case with my younger child it was 8 hours,

in my opinion, if there is no emergency life saving intervention needed at present, policy and administrative routine can take a back seat.

The only way this will ever change

is if wise parents forego the fear of offending anyone and forego the fear of being an inconvenience,

and if parents begin to take up space in this world,

take up the space you’re entitled to as a human being with rights,

a human being who matters more than a set of administrative policies written in a manual.

Birth is not limited to the medical field.

Birth encompasses the soul the spirit and mental health.

We should no longer worry about statements such as “you’ll get to enjoy your child your whole life” because that statement has little importance in the present moment that belongs exclusively to you and your child.

REPEAT C-SECTION Birth Story with Third Baby Girl | Boca Raton Birth Stories

TOLAC, VBA2C, C-SECTION BIRTH WORLD TERMS

This is a blog post of a very moving, emotional, and powerful birth story about a mama who experienced a journey of TOLAC, attempted VBA2C, and CESAREAN BIRTH

A TOLAC is a trial of labor after a previous c-section birth

A VBA2C is a Vaginal Delivery after two prior c-section births

Almost 6 years ago I was being induced in labor room 8 at Boca Raton Regional Hospital with my first child Kate. After about 15 hours of failure to progress, I was brought into Operating Room #1 and my first daughter was born there via cesarean delivery.

Despite the fact that I have worked in almost every single labor and delivery room at this particular hospital over my 4 year career as a labor and delivery photographer, it has been almost 6 years since I have been in this specific LD room. Labor Room #8 at Boca Regional.

On September 23rd, 2018, I never expected that my client in labor with baby girl #3 who was attempting a TOLAC and hoping for a vaginal delivery after two prior c-section births, would have a similar story to experience.

My birth client hired midwives Polina Goldenberg and Courtney McMillian at Boca Midwifery for the birth of her third baby. Her previous two daughters were born via cesarean section and she was hoping for a vaginal delivery with baby #3.

Mama headed into Boca Regional on a Sunday early morning at 4:05am since her labor started.

Around 8:45am, I was already visiting a Fresh 48 session client at the same hospital in post partum who had a cesarean birth the night before, who actually told me that they bumped into each other in triage, so once I was done capturing my client’s older children meeting their 3rd child for the first time, I joined her in LD room 8 around 9:30am. I stayed with them for a little while and took some photos of her in early labor.

Mama labored through some pretty intense contractions for a while.

She walked the halls of the hospital with her midwife Polina and her daughters to help things progress and squatted and leaned against the hospital rails to get more productive contractions.

At around 2:30pm, I was back in my office when I received the update that mama started getting a little nervous during the latest more intense contractions. She started feeling a pulling and stretching sensation around her previous c-section incision site. Her midwife and the back up OBGYN Dr. David Lubetkin, who was overseeing the labor (a doctor who backs up a CNM Midwife for VBAC must be present in the hospital from the moment a vbac patient is in the hospital in labor until delivery in case an emergency c-section must be performed) both felt it could be scar tissue stretching during contractions due to the two previous c-sections, but with mama being so nervous, no one wanted to take the chance, not even mama.

So we prepared for the operating room.

For me as a mommy of two girls, having two c-sections, one of which happened starting in Labor room 8 and ended in the Operating Room 1, this started feeling really sentimental and emotionally compelling for me. I started feeling a very sisterhood connection with this laboring mama as she and her husband got dressed in OR gear

Since contractions hadn’t become so intense that mama felt she needed her labor doula with her before, we called her and asked her to come to hang out with mama’s older daughters while we would be in the operating room. Pictured below is one of my favorite labor doulas in south Florida, Lisa Raynor, hugging mama just before we headed into surgery.

Sometimes moms ask me what happens with their doula support if they need a c-section. The answer is — sometimes mom wants their doula to join us in the operating room, to help talk them through the process, to reassure them that everything they are feeling, both emotionally and physically during the entire process is normal and safe, to be there in support of their partner or spouse and reassure them whether all is going well, and sometimes, staying behind with your older children is just what you may need your doula to do.

When I went in for my repeat cesarean with my second baby, I asked for my doula to come to the hospital and stay with my 3 year old while I was in the operating room. It really made me feel very reassured she was with a person I could trust to keep her safe and preoccupied, so she wouldn’t be sad, scared or missing me while I was in surgery.

As we walked back to the operating room, mama had to pause a few times as she continued to have contractions. When you spontaneously go into labor before a c-section, you continue to feel contractions until you have received either an epidural or spinal with anesthesia that blocks the sensation of intense contracting of your uterus.

This mama took every single wave and surge like a laboring goddess. I was so in awe of her. She really struck such an emotional nerve with me. I don’t know if it was because she is also a girl mom just like me, and I’ve secretly always dreamed of having three daughters, or if it was the linearity of the event — girl mom, using my favorite midwives for her birth, same hospital as my first, same labor room, same operating room. Maybe it was everything all at once. But I felt such a protective instinct over this mama. Almost like I had to be her big sister in these moments.

Perhaps the sweetest moment of any labor ever was this moment that my client’s husband took her beautiful face in his hands and kissed her just before she walked into the operating room

And this moment eerily reminded me of my own experience, my own picture through the operating room window next to the sink that my husband took with our cheap black Friday special Nikon camera, (see the photo below on the right) I can only try to recreate in an imaginary fantasy what everything looked like from the outside from this moment:

And here is where I step back in, feeling so humbled & honored that this beautiful couple and family would trust me with this very tremendous moment and story. How I wish there could have been someone to capture these moments of our story with our daughters. Everything I do a birth photographer, I do with the intention of capturing every single moment I never got to have on camera from my two births.

A lot of moms ask me what happens if they have to have a c-section, who will be with them in the operating room. While I don’t know what happens at other hospitals, at Boca Regional, the hospital is a huge proponent of moms being fully supported. Every unexpected c/section delivery where the mom was originally with a midwife, continues to be accompanied by the midwife through the entire delivery even if in the Operating Room. This is HUGE to psychological health for moms during the partum partum period.

After baby girl was born into the hands of Dr. Lubetkin and midwife Polina, the doctor did see that the stretching/pulling sensations mama was getting during contractions and labor was indeed from a lot of scar tissue surrounding her previous two csection incision site. It was however a relief to hear it was not a uterine rupture.

And from this moment of the first meeting, all the emotions that came flooding after, the story that unfolded, was the most beautiful, most healing experience of my life. Seeing a mother SO supported and surrounded by so much love during a cesarean birth was so heart fulfilling.

If you thus far weren’t moved — oh come on :)

Then the following meeting story will completely melt your heart.

As soon as baby girl was born, and mama was brought back to her labor room, both big sisters were waiting with doula Lisa Raynor ready to meet this sweet princess.

Their meeting is EVERYTHING!!

I live for moments like this.

This was also my first time in the last 4 years that my ovaries really started aching, I started picturing myself as a mama of three. I didn’t even care if my third birth would be a vba2c or a third repeat csection, as long as it would be with this birth team, at this hospital, and with both of my daughters at the hospital immediately to meet their baby, I kind of really wanted it in a heart beat. My ovaries ache just thinking about it. My ovaries ache just writing it right now! Baby fever is so contagious! And this birth story and meeting story is completely intoxicating.

At least for me. My hubby better be careful, haha!

Dad’s Face as he sees their “baby” meeting the new baby!

Oh my stars!

His face totally reminds me of my husband face (see cell phone picture below)

My Journey with Polyhydramnios, C-sections and Loose Post Partum Belly Skin

⚪️⚪️ SELF REVEAL ⚪️⚪️

I’m kind of an open book. Too many things were kept from me by society about motherhood, so I am a proponent of transparency. I think many women can relate to this statement, because how many women can honestly say that they knew much about pregnancy, labor, birth and post partum BEFORE they had their first child? Unless you’re a labor and delivery nurse, a labor doula or post partum doula, a midwife or an OBGYN, chances are, you, similarly to me, didn’t have much of an education about motherhood before you became a mom for the first time to your own child.

A few weeks ago I finally took a deep breath and I went to see a revered specialist (who I still highly admire btw) in the plastic surgery field because I wanted to be “fixed”

Going from being somebody who easily fit into any piece of clothing, never worrying about size labels, never second-guessing my health, to suddenly finding myself with pretty serious self-body image issues after polyhydramnios with two pregnancies... This picture is my body TODAY (btw I’m not underweight! ❌ I’m just inhaling and my ribs say hello!)

Here I have been taking pictures of women in the most compelling moment of their motherhood experiences, truly believing and telling them they are radiantly gorgeous — never did any of their bodies ever make me feel they weren’t stunning. I never looked at weight as a negative. I always saw radiant beauty.

But here I was with a self-body image problem.

I hated my body. Well, my stomach. What polyhydramnios did to it, it became unrecognizable to me. It didn’t matter how much weight I lost after my second pregnancy, the stomach was still there. So I went to a plastic surgeon asking them what they would need to do to “fix me” so I could go back to being beautiful 

what I didn’t expect was for that visit to be the moment I would fall in love with my postpartum body.

Someone telling me that they would take away the skin I’ve lived in for 33 years, the stupid dragon tattoo I got when I was 21 that over these years became a symbol of my badass motherhood that I didn’t even realize — until they were telling me that with a tummy tuck, it would have to go. 99% of my abdominal dragon tattoo would have to go.

I walked out of the office a changed woman.

I never in a million years thought I would want to keep this skin, find my pp body beautiful & attractive. 

Fast forward a few weeks, I’m laying on my living room floor this morning, taking a photograph specifically to share with women out there who might have body image issues after their pregnancy.

POSTPARTUM IS THE DIVINE FEMININE. 

It took me 6 years, and I finally believ

Beautiful Mom of Twin Girls Expecting a Baby Boy

I remember how Dayna and I met. It's not the way I use to meet mommy clients four years ago, and that's why I love it. It made me reflect on how we evolve as women and as mothers and I wanted to share the entire story behind it with you.

I have been a birth photographer for four years, and I could not even imagine 4 years ago how my career would unravel as my daughters grew and as I delve deeper into the birth world as a birth worker.

Dayna and I met through our local community, our girls (her twins and my almost 6 year old) spent the past year going to VPK together in the best preschool at Kids Academy in Coral Springs, FL. One of her girls and my daughter Kate were in ballet the entire year, and her other day and my niece were in the same VPK classroom together. Through the year we got to know each other as mamas in the same community and build a relationship that I had never imagined I could have with moms! As my girls grew and I changed everything about the way I ran my business, the way I approached our lives as a family of four, I began to develop relationships just like with Dayna, with other birth clients. Dayna was one of my last birth clients before I made the huge leaps and changes that have grown my community and my work to the beautiful, organic, living vessel that it is today.

Three and four years ago, to find birth clients, I'd post my photos on facebook as much as possible, with a 2 year old toddler at home. I rarely had the chance to blog. I rarely had the chance for anything because I had a toddler at home and was a work from home mommy! 

I didn't know my community very well. I had made some mommy friends going to the playgrounds, parks and south Florida beaches with my daughter Kate, but I was so new to the field of birth that I didn't know many doulas or midwives, obgyns or labor and delivery nurses at all. I was just starting to dip my feet into the birth world.

Fast forward four years, so much has changed and I have evolved.

About a year and a half ago, I realized that birth was really my passion.

I also realized I was very overwhelmed.

Trying to balance (keyword trying!!) motherhood to two kids under 5 years old as a stay at home mom, run a household, AND run a full time photography business was leaving me really overwhelmed. 

About one year ago I realized what I had to do. I met Lisa Raynor, my dearest friend and doula here in Coral Springs and in Boca Raton, and she helped me with the final push to bring my career goals to fruition. She told me to try out full time preschool.

I was so nervous about this. I was juggling being a full time stay at home mom to two young kids, a full time job, all my maternity, breastfeeding, newborn and family photography clients in addition to my birth clients, my marriage, my home, and I was so nervous how we would pull off putting two young kids in full time preschool. How could we afford it?

That's when all the big changes fell directly into place.

Let me tell you, it was terrifying.

Change #1: 

I put both of the girls in full time preschool.

It didn't happen over night. I started with only VPK hours for Kate from 9-12pm and Emma was going two days a week from 9am-12pm. Slowly I started adding hours, and then days. By the end of three months, both of my girls were attending preschool from 830am-5pm five days a week.

I cannot tell you how much guilt this brought me. Having been a stay at home mom for almost 5 years while juggling a work from home business, I felt SO guilty that I was putting my kids in full time school. So many mommies can do it both, I told myself. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I am saying I can't do it, I don't want to do it. 

Over the next 6 - 12 months I would start a healing journey to learn to not compare myself to other mothers, what they do, what their approach towards life and parenting is, and what their life looks like. I would learn that it's not my business to worry about what other mothers and women are capable of, it is only of importance for me to focus on what I want out of my life journey.

Change #2:

I gave up all photo sessions besides birth photography.

This was an absolutely terrifying leap of faith.

Family photo sessions, Maternity and Newborn Photography, and Breastfeeding photoshoots consisted of 50% of my years earnings. 

You might be thinking "and she gave it all up?"

Trust me, I WAS THINKING IT.

Let me tell you why I did this change in my life. I decided that if I was going to be paying for two children to go to full time preschool every week, all of those hours at home while they were at school would be dedicated to focusing 110% on my birth clients and my birth photography and birth films. This is after all, my passion, I realized. And the investment I make on the BEST preschool in Coral Springs needs to pay off on me investing all of my time and energy into growing my relationships with my birth clients everyday, every week, every month.

Trust me, I still love all the other sessions I use to do. And it broke my heart when I had so many families reaching out to me after I had slowly started my transition, asking for family sessions, breastfeeding sessions, and I had to turn them away and recommend one of my colleagues.

But as the weeks and months passed, I started realizing that I had made the best decision I ever could have. I went from juggling 120 families every 12 months to working intimately with 24 families. I got to really know every single birth family I was working with, I would remember hubby's name as I walked into labor and delivery. I'd remember that older brother was about to turn 3 years old next month. I'd remember that they just got a new puppy. These details (and many more intimate details ranging from fertility issues, loss, difficult pregnancies) became so vital to me to learn and remember. I realized in the past year that my true passion is not necessarily in birth photography. Rather my true passion is supporting, educating and empowering the women I work with, and building my relationship with them.

The change I had implemented thrust my business into a whole different world that I had never known before. I started having more time to dedicate to things I had never had a chance to even do. I started blogging. I LOVE writing. I've been a writer since I was in elementary school, I wrote my first book when I was 8. Being able to pour my soul into something I am so passionate about made my career so much more dynamic and fulfilling.

I finally had the time to network.

I have met so many absolutely phenomenal astonishing individuals in my community in the past twelve months, I did not even know these incredible human beings and specialists in the birth world existed, and now I have such an esteemed honor of calling them my friends. In the past 12 months I have deepened my relationship with Lisa Raynor, my doula soul sister, I met Martha Lerner, owner of Zenmamalove.com who my maternity/newborn/family photo clients from the past had boasted about for years, I got to meet the most amazing expert in the fertility world, Dr. Scott Roseff of IVFMD, who has a heart of gold by the way and works so closely with women and their partners/spouses to build healthy new families.

I had the privilege of building a close relationship with my favorite birth providers in the birth world ranging from Nurse midwives to OBGYNS to licensed midwives. I learned about baby nurses and how crucial they are to the family in the 4th trimester through meeting and growing close friendship with Mercedes Cabrisas, owner of South Florida Baby Nurse and Jennifer Shapiro, owner of Blissful Baby Nurse and Newborn Services.

I met Jackie Polsky, of South Florida Psychologist Associates, specializing in the post partum mama, Natasha Chamely, owner of Baby Love Spa  in Margate, FL, it was such a pleasure to meet and become friends with the amazing Susan Winograd, who owns Pelvic Rehab.com and works closely with post partum mommies and the entire family, as well as Dr. Moshe Winograd, who is a phenomenal post partum and loss psychologist at Coastal Behavioral Health, and became friends with Carly Tokar (Tokar Family Chiropractic) and Gena Bofshever (Dr. Gena Chiropractor). I got to experience first hand chiropractic care through Dr. Elaina Gill, post partum physical therapy from the amazing Dr. Kathleen Vigo of Painless Pregnancy, and Laura Knecht of Good Little Sleeperzzz helped my toddler and now almost 6 year old finally get on the right routine for a proper bedtime (south Florida's BEST pediatric sleep consultant!)

I've also had the immense opportunity to work with the amazing doulas at the Orchid's Nest, the phenomenal labor and delivery staff at Boca Raton Regional Hospital. I had the pleasure of meeting and growing a wonderful partnership with the OBGYN team at Omega Women's Care. 

It's just been an unreal year.

I cannot believe that my closest friends are all in the same birth world that once was a lonely place, now is filled with the same amazing faces I see but in and outside of work. 

Stunning Images of Midwife Delivering Baby for Two Previous C-Section Mama Has us Stunned and Seriously in Love

Words from the mama: 

"I am still in shock and awe at what God can do. My pregnancies have been very difficult, from Aaden's loss to complications in Brooklyn's birth (both ending in c-sections). I always dreamed of having a birth without complications, where I could just enjoy my baby. This was it.

I had the best support and birth team I could ask for. Everyone was patient with me and my concerns and considered my history. I couldn't ask for more. Thank you to Lisa Raynor my doula, Courtney McMillian my midwife at Boca Midwifery, Paulina Splechta my birth photographer and birth film maker, and of course my husband David. I literally could not have labored nor survived this pregnancy without you."   - Jocelyn

Boca Raton Regional Hospital, Boca Raton, Florida

When I first met Jocelyn, I was so emotionally tied to her and excited for her and also a little bit anxious. I am a two time cesarean mommy myself (neither was planned) but I never had an amazing birth team the way Jocelyn had for this pregnancy, so I didn't know what to expect would happen at her labor and delivery with such an amazing team.

I was so excited for her to experience a vaginal birth and to meet and hold her baby immediately, and I knew it in my heart that this could only happen with Boca Midwifery. They understood her medical history and they cared for her the entire pregnancy, but it was a delicate journey Jocelyn had been on, from experiencing the loss of one of her children and complications with her daughter Brooklyn's birth, and I was anxious to witness the birth of baby Riley. I didn't know if we would witness her having a vaginal delivery or if we would have to go into the operating room. I feel the entire labor and delivery staff was rooting her on at Toppel Family Place (The labor and delivery unit of Boca Raton Regional Hospital in East Boca [off of Glades Road, just east of I-95]). 

A lot of birth workers uncover a deep passion for their work due to their own emotional and personal history, and with me, it is completely true. Originally, I wanted to test the waters four years ago when I photographed my first birth. But once I captured that birth for my client, I knew this is where my heart belongs and its become so much more than photography over the last four years. 

In all this time, four years, I had never witnessed a vaginal delivery after TWO CESAREANS. I had attended many VBACs (vaginal delivery after cesarean) with Boca Midwifery, Women's Health Partners, Dr. Skeete down in Ft Lauderdale, and vbac home births with midwives Gelena Hinkley, Sandy Lo, Mary Harris. But I had in all this time never seen a mommy successful deliver a baby vaginally after having two previous c-sections. And the reason I haven't before seen a vbac after two c-sections is not entirely that the trial for a vbac after two csections failed with previous clients. It's not that at all.

It's that often times the mommys who have had two csections stay with their provider who automatically schedules a repeat third csection for them with their third delivery. These moms are simply not aware of the option to try for a vbac after two c-sections. No one has even told them that its physically possible to achieve. And what the benefits to having a vbac are instead of scheduling a repeat cesarean. Most of the vbacs I have documented in my four years as a birth photographer here in south Florida have been moms who had a c-section with a practice (sometimes traumatic, physically or on an emotional level) and change practices, hoping for a more positive, empowered and supported experience for their subsequent pregnancy to a practice heavily experienced in achieving safe and successful VBACs. Many of my VBAC birth clients with Boca Midwifery have exactly this story. 

As Jocelyn's entire birth team stood around her during her final pushes, I thought to myself, "this is happening, this mama is going to meet her baby right now"

I felt the tears begin to swell up in my eyes, I tried to hush them and focus on capturing this incredible moment. I stood near mom's shoulders, making sure that her midwife was blocking any angles that would prevent Jocelyn from being able to share photos from her birth story with her family and friends, I looked up at Jocelyn and her husband David, they were smiling at each other, at their doula and midwife, at me. Their doula, Lisa Raynor, was proudly beaming a smile back at them and at me. Baby nurse Donna was eagerly waiting to meet their sweet baby, also wearing a proud smile for mama. Her midwife, Courtney McMillian, was focused and positive and their nurse Peggy knew this moment was about to happen.

This moment would contribute to the shift in the change of the world's view of birth. A successful vbac after two cesareans for Boca Midwifery, for the labor and delivery staff at Boca Raton Regional Hospital, but most importantly, a footprint in the history of birthing women, showing them, that with the right support and birth team for your pregnancy, skilled vbac professionals who have a great deal of patience and success rates, a vbac after two csections is possible.

Knowing this fact, it put chills on my back. 

Knowing that maybe someday, I too could experience a vbac, after my two unjust csections with previous providers and birth teams who had failed to support and encourage me in the ways I needed.

You can watch the film of the birth of Riley below:

Uploaded by Paulina Splechta on 2018-07-05.

Jocelyn's two-time cesarean scar and baby Riley's teensy feet

Big Sisters & Their Newborn Baby - Birth Story in Florida

As a birth photographer and birth videographer in Boca Raton, Florida, I feel so honored and blessed to be able to witness while documenting, the most intimate, precious moments between big siblings meeting the little person they have been waiting to meet during their mom's whole pregnancy.

I'm not sure what is sweeter and more moving, whether the bond between mom & baby or watching a mom as she gazes on her older child meeting the baby for the first time...

In that moment, mom's 'baby' is no longer the youngest, she watches this magical transition into the 'big sibling role' as the older child says "hello" for the first time to their new baby sibling.

It is so sweet to watch as these big siblings automatically and naturally as if born with an innate maternal instinct, immediately love on this new little person. 

I hope you enjoy this 'meeting story' of these big sisters meeting their darling baby sister Ainhoa, for the first time. 

I only take two - three families for birth stories each month in Broward and Palm Beach counties, and reserve their birth stories several months into their pregnancies. I do travel for birth stories as well to Naples and Tampa, Key West, and even northern Florida. I will travel out of the state of Florida - and have had birth clients in New York and Washington State and even abroad for certain birth stories (inquire for details).

If you are expecting and would like to hire me for your birth story, it is never too late to get in touch with me. Birth is unpredictable and sometimes plans do change and babies are born early and I may have an opening last minute, as I did with this special family in south Florida. 

The Dark Side of Birth, Rarely in the Spotlight *trigger warning*

There is a Dark Side of birth that is rarely spoken about. It is spoken about in the dark corners of the post partum 4th trimester. And sometimes it creeps into the years following a woman's birth.

There's a purpose to why I am speaking about it here.

You never know if you're going to be the incredible woman who is deeply, emotionally affected by her unique birthing experience, only until after your baby is born.

If the dark side of birth isn't spoken about, we are doing a disservice to the women among us who continue to suffer in silence, and are doing a disservice to expecting mothers and future mothers who will not know that birth can sometimes have a negative outcome emotionally, and how they can prevent a lifetime of emotional trauma.

What women need is information.

Information = Empowerment

In order to be fully informed, a mother must face the facts that there is a negative truth to birth.

But this post is not intended to simply inform women of the negative truth. It's purpose serves to guide women on how to conquer the possible negative side to birth, before that day ever comes, (should it come).

As women who believe in birth, love birth, support women through pregnancy and birth, we should be informing of the negative truth, because knowledge is power.

If a woman is informed of negative birth facts, and is given the tools to make informed decisions, she has greater chances at preventing her own emotional trauma, despite birth not going as planned.

MY EXPERIENCE

Me and my amazing thriving girls have lived through two extremely emotionally traumatic experiences (and the aftermath of the two cesareans brought with them the physical trauma I suffer from to this day).

As a woman who attends births all year round as a birth photographer, first and foremost, I support women in what their birth plan is. Whatever that plan may be. I believe that the priority is for a woman to feel safe, empowered and supported in how she needs. 

If a woman needs a cesarean birth because that is what will make her feel safe, positive, or because that is what is medically necessary, she can depend on me supporting her endlessly without judgement.

However, there is no doubt that cesarean birth can have a very difficult physical and sometimes emotional toll on a woman. And this holds true to vaginal birth as well. For some mothers bodies, vaginal birth can have a very difficult physical and sometimes emotional toll on a woman.

For some the impact is not a difficult one, and for others it is. Every woman's body and mind reacts differently to birth. And for that reason, it is integral to a positive birth experience for a woman to have a birth team that will guide her through her emotional and physical needs, a team she can trust, a team that gives her the endless, nonjudgemental support that she needs.

MY LOSS

I will never have the beautiful and peaceful meeting day with my girls that I had planned, our family is complete and I do not have the opportunity to make good decisions a third time. I did not choose birth teams for either of my births who supported me in the way I needed.

(with the exception of 2 amazing Boca Raton Regional nurses who made me feel safer when I was scared during my first child's birth)

I made decisions based on what provider accepted my insurance, and based on who was available. It was only after I had my babies that I realized those decisions were the wrong decisions for me personally.

The journey (both emotionally and physically) has been a difficult one for me. However, as I approach my youngest's 2nd birthday, almost two years after her birth, and five years of being a mother, I am finally starting to find the courage to turn my pain into a positive - I want to help inform and guide moms to choose the right birth team for them, making a birth plan they feel good about, listening to their intuition and instincts, all things I did not do.

HOW TO BULLETPROOF YOUR BIRTH

It's a funny choice of words. There's no real way to bulletproof your birth. 

Why?

Because birth is the single most unpredictable thing in life.

You may choose the best birth team for you specifically, a wonderful birthing facility, but your body or your baby may have different plans.

But that does not mean to give up hope.

Give yourself the best chances to have a positive and empowering experience.

Why? 

In the event your birth plan A and plan B and even plans C, D, E and F do not happen, and out of left field comes plan G that wasn't even on the table, in that sometimes scary, uncertain situation you want to surround yourself with the people who you feel you trust 100%. You want to look to your left and look to your right and see the people who you have felt safe with throughout your entire pregnancy. The people who empower you the way you need. Who give you the support that you need.

If you find yourself in plan G and you are scared, unsure, you may not feel very empowered anymore, you may feel alone, it is choosing that solid birth team that will help prevent those rising feelings from conquering you, from keeping you from having a positive experience.

A midwife or OBGYN who you trust flawlessly with your life, with your child's life, and who makes you feel confident, honored and respected, will make such a difference in a moment when things are out of your hands.

A doula who cares and supports you exactly in the moment you need it, who doesn't leave your side, who puts you first ahead of anything else going on in the world in that moment, that is the person you want holding your hand and giving you facts and affirmations the moment when you've lost hope, she finds it for you. 

How?

Interview, interview, interview.

Do you remember looking for your wedding dress? Did you buy the first one you tried on because it was THE ONE? If you did, lucky you :)

I tried on 20-30 dresses because I kept putting on these A line princess ball gowns and felt they did not compliment me at all. I felt insecure and questioned whether I thought I was beautiful to begin with. Then suddenly, in a new store, I saw a mermaid style wedding dress. It was on the rack in the "expensive section." I didn't even see the actual gown from top to bottom, I just saw the fabric, hand sewn silk with intricate detail that was evident to me someone had really invested a great deal of time into it. I looked at my dearest friend Monika (who had gone with me from store to store, encouraging me through the disappointing dress try-ons) and I said, I'm not even going to look at the price tag. (I was so past the point of what my wedding dress budget was; I was willing to pay way more than my budget if it meant finding the ONE that made me feel beautiful and confident). I darted for the dressing room. The dress wasn't even completely on, and not even zipped and I was crying, I was saying "this is the one!!!" 

Perhaps this story is a little silly (it's a true story) in terms of comparing it to your birth team. But I use this example, because these tremendous moments that require pause and consideration in our life, require great planning and good decisions if on the inside, we really want to feel like we made the right decision that WE feel confident about. 

So don't take lightly to choosing your birth team. 

Your experiences with them on the day of your baby's birth will remain with you in your heart and mind every day for the rest of your life.

** My birth client who had an amazing birth team (Boca Midwifery at Boca Raton Regional Hospital).

Why I Needed a Birth Doula for my First Pregnancy AND Birth but Never Hired One

When I was pregnant with my first daughter Kate, I knew virtually nothing about child birth. 

I think that holds true for many women. In our modern day society, girls and young women are not raised around child birth. In fact, almost no one is. My reality was that I had never talked about nor seen child birth until I became pregnant,  so it is not so far fetched that I knew nothing.

 I definitely did not even know 20% of what I now know, 5 years later. 

Maybe I knew the Hollywood movie "birth basics". You get pregnant, you get nauseous, you get uncomfortable, your water breaks, birth is scary, messy, painful, you have the baby.

Yep, that's basically what I knew.

I cannot believe I just wrote that out.

But those misconceptions and limitations were my reality five years ago.

And it is not far fetched at all to say that many women are in the same boat.

I personally was quite scared of child birth.

As I said above, Hollywood Movies make birth seem "scary, messy, painful"

I was uneducated and very afraid to become educated, to the point where I did not want to attend a child birth class. The thought of sitting in a room with 10 other couples, rubber baby dolls, learning how to swaddle and how to wipe a baby butt and being judged by other couples and instructor, it seemed totally unappealing to me, and a little scary. I was projecting my own fears. Because fear-based birth is all I had been taught by Hollywood my entire life.

So instead of a child birth class, I dowloaded a child birth app to my tablet. I was so scared and refused to think I could ever have major abdominal surgery so I even skipped the entire chapter on c-sections.

If I could go back in time, I could see myself sitting there wishing: If only there had been someone who would have been by my side, sitting with me, guiding me, supporting me, encouraging me, helping empower me to dispel my own fears.

Before I had my daughter Kate, I had never heard the word 'DOULA' spoken by anyone, nor written anywhere.

I had how many prenatal visits with the OBGYN practice I was with? Not once did anyone there mention to me, "are you interested in hiring a doula for your birth?"

If someone had asked me that question during my pregnancy, I would have answered with:

"what is a doula?" 

And that's all it would have taken to inform me, to educate me. My intrigue into this unheard of role of a person who's sole job is to support, honor, and encourage YOU, would have jump-started my own journey into researching why I need a doula and how to find the right one.

And oh, how I could have used a doula with my first pregnancy for so many extremely important reasons:

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1. ENCOURAGEMENT & VALIDITY

During my pregnancy, I really needed someone who would validate my concerns about my pregnancy and birth and encourage me to explore them. Any time I mentioned to my OB, family or friends that I was worried about something to do with my pregnancy or upcoming birth, they'd immediately brush it off like "you can't worry about everything" or "it'll be fine"

I became so self conscious about asking my OB questions. (He was the wrong fit for me and I had no idea at the time). He was less than enthusiastic about answering any of my questions,  so I kept to myself and started to dread my prenatal visits, because with each visit I felt less supported, less important and increasingly more of a burden to him.

I could have used someone who would have recognized that grief I had during prenatal visits and help me explore what I wanted to do about it.

I had no idea that you could change medical providers.

(And I am of the school of thought that if you do not feel supported by your medical provider, if you feel like they rush you, belittle you when you ask valid questions, aren't on the same page as you regarding what you want for your pregnancy and birth, then you should at the very least interview other providers who CAN honor you. You owe that to yourself).

And even if I had known you can change medical providers, after starting out such a fear-based prenatal journey with my first baby, I know myself (the same way like I know my birth clients) and the moment your mind comes across the idea of changing medical providers, you become riddled with guilt over how much time they've invested in your prenatal care, what will they think of you, will they sabotage your medical files, countless thoughts race through your head. In that situation I would have really needed the support & encouragement that I was indeed making the right decision to leave my medical provider.

2. INFORMATION

During my pregnancy with Kate, my best friend became google.

I had so many questions and I had way too much guilt over burdening anyone to ask them all to one person.

During my pregnancy, I felt like I could relate best and trust mothers to young children since they just went through pregnancy and childbirth.

But there were only 2 or 3 mothers to young children in my life, the wives of my husband's friends.

And I felt extremely guilty bombarding them with questions. I was again, projecting my own fears, I started worrying that I have way too may questions and did not want to be judged for being neurotic and controlling that I wouldn't surrender to my OBGYN's guidance.

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3. DISPELLING FEARS

One thing that I needed most during my pregnancy with Kate was I needed someone who would help me dispel my fears.

I had so many fears during my first pregnancy and they completely conquered me.

Instead of focusing on the joy of growing this little person in my belly and exploring what my goals were for my birth, I was imprisoned in my fear based emotions. 

The right doula for me could have guided me in recognizing my fears, drawing them out from behind closed doors, and defeating them with powerful affirmations. 

I did not even have the word AFFIRMATIONS in my vocabulary until well after two children. 

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4. PLANNING A PEACEFUL BIRTH

I never got the opportunity to even get as far as planning for a peaceful birth.

I didn't educate myself about child birth, I didn't know I should have a birth plan, I didn't know I had options to change medical providers.

I just didn't know.

There was no outlet of vast information available to me.

I sure wasn't becoming informed by my OB.

I only googled questions that popped into my head such as "is it normal to have light bleeding when you first get pregnancy" or "is it normal to have menstrual like cramps during your third trimester" 

It did not occur to me to google:

"questions to ask your OBGYN" 

It did not occur to me to google: 

"birth plan ideas"

I did not know what to research.

I was lost and quite alone.

My husband never did this before.

Neither did I.

So we were left under the guidance of a singular OBGYN who I did not even feel good about. 

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5. THE ELEVENTH HOUR

Birth came and went... and became a traumatic, negative, and distant memory that I do not look back on fondly. I still carry the weight of it with me today. 

It has taken me five years to take the pain of what I went through with not one but both of my pregnancies and births, and stand up and say to myself that I want to turn my pain around into something good.

In the last few months of my life I have felt a profound calling to take my pain and use it as education to inform mothers.

That is why I have this blog and have chosen to start writing to women about birth. 

Being a birth photographer is my outlet to connect to mothers who need guidance and support. 

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But it's not enough to hire a doula.

Every doula is different in the experience she has, in the support she offers, in her approach during pregnancy and labor, in her personality and character. You need to find the right doula for YOU.

Follow this link to read 20 Questions to Ask a Doula

West Palm Beach Birth and Family Photographer | Welcoming Thea after sunrise

The calm, windy evening had beautiful clouds over Good Samaritan Medical Center Sunday night. Walking into their labor room, I felt a calming presence. This was possibly one of the most peaceful and quiet births I have ever attended. 

It really struck me emotionally how incredibly in-tune dad and mom were through every contraction. I always recommend to first time (and even second and third time moms) to consider hiring a birth doula, but I was so amazed by how these parents took on labor pains through an incredible team effort. 

I am so grateful to the wonderful medical staff at Good Samaritan for making an exception and allowing me to enter into their operating room to document these parent's baby girl's birth immediately following her cesarean. It softens my heart to know that families emotional needs are being put at the front of birth and that medical providers are understanding how important birth photography and birth videography is to families.

HOLLYWOOD BIRTH STORY AT MEMORIAL REGIONAL HOSPITAL

Every once in a while, a mama prepares for her birth the right way, with the right support and an incredible strength, courage and love for her unborn child, but despite everyones plans, sometimes baby has a a plan of his own. 

I was incredibly emotionally moved by the unparalleled and immense support this beautiful, radiant mama received throughout her labor from her entire family. It warms my heart to see a room full of supportive women who are lifting a birthing mama up with positivity and love. The moment that her own mom and dad surrounded her during her labor, her dad applying pressure to her back, her mom giving her ice chips, her wife speaking words of support, my heart just ached and filled up with so much joy and courage. We as women deserve to labor and birth as mama goddesses. Birth is a beautiful day of our lives, when a miracle happens. We realize, our body has not failed us. Instead, it has been this miraculous vessel that has grown the most perfect little human being on the face of this earth. It has nourished this child and it has signaled us when this child is ready to be welcomed earth side.

I am grateful from the depths of my heart to the amazing staff at Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, FL for understanding that key to a beautiful birth is to allow the birthing mama to have a peaceful and happy birthing experience. So thank you, for making an exception and welcoming me into the operating room to continue to document this sacred birth story for Chloe and Erica. They became parents for the first time on August 28th, and it is thanks to your understanding that I am able to give this small gift of their first reactions and first moments as parents to them. 

I hope that other hospitals and providers begin to learn from these moments and experiences to understand how healing and fulfilling something as simple as a birth story documented by a respectful professional birth photographer can have a profound affect on a family.